Friday Five: Anticipating Christmas

Christmas is FIVE days away! I am so excited! Anticipating Christmas has been one of my favorite things this year! Annelisa is at such a fun age for the decorations, lights, and her fascination with "baby" only helps as we prepare to celebrate our Savior's birth! 

Five things that I'm loving during this season:

• Jesse Tree: I'm in LOVE with this! Love that Annelisa looks forward to seeing which ornament she gets to touch each night! I love this new tradition helping focus our anticipation on our coming King, Jesus, in the form of a little baby! 
• Lights: I love that Annelisa demands that all of our twinkle lights stay on when we are home! I am loving getting to watch her excitement to turn on the "dights on the tee"! 
• My Family Measurements Ruler: My Christmas present is all finished and hung on the wall...you may have seen it on Facebook or Instagram last night! It's beautiful and my sweet husband made it for me! I can't wait to start marking on it!! :) 
• Baking: I love Christmas baking and can't wait to get started this weekend! 
• The workshop: Where all of Annelisa's new things are being assembled in anticipation of Christmas morning! I'm SO SO SO excited about watching Annelisa's joy this Christmas! 

Friday Five: Remembering MeeMaw

Remembering MeeMaw, where do I begin...MeeMaw is my mom's mom...one of my grandmothers. She is one of the most significant relationships I've had the blessing of having while growing up. She will be meeting Jesus soon, perhaps today. I've been consumed with a hopeful grief for her. She was placed in hospice care Sunday evening late and I had the blessing of getting to say goodbye on Monday afternoon. Nothing could have prepared me for seeing her at this place in the scope of life; however, I'm so thankful for the sweet moments God granted she and I in the quiet of her hospital room. This post is my attempt to capture five memories of her in my life.

1. Stride-Rite Shoes: I remember the store perfectly, it was narrow and somewhat small. It had these perfect kid sized bench seats that looked like stairs on either side. MeeMaw took us there to get shoes several times as children. It was always fun being waited on by the clerk and getting to sit on the benches. MeeMaw loved getting to buy us shoes. She would always smile as we tried on various pairs and walked around the store. 
2. Mothers' Day Out: I don't remember this personally, but I've heard MeeMaw tell the stories enough times that it's easily one of my memories now. When I was under the age of three, we lived in Carrollton, Texas, about an hour from her house in Arlington. Each week MeeMaw would make the drive to give my mom a "Mother's Day Out" and she and I would spend the day together. She would take me for walks around the neighborhood, feed me lunch, and spend the time with me. This was the beginning of a special relationship between she and I. 
3. Broccoli: MeeMaw loved to tell the story of broccoli and me! Apparently my love of broccoli goes WAY back...to toddler-hood! MeeMaw would tell this story anytime we were eating broccoli...picture me as a little girl, strapped into the high chair pleading for "mo...mo...mo!" I couldn't get enough of the green stuff! I can picture her sweet face smiling as she would mimic my toddler voice in the story. 
4. Quarterly Visits: Our family moved away from Texas when I was three and with that move began quarterly visits. Almost every quarter, we saw MeeMaw and Papa. They would drive to us in Oklahoma or Georgia or we would come to them. These visits are fond memories now of my sisters and I in a flurry of activity preparing for them to arrive. The anticipation of what we would do while they were there. On one particular visit to Georgia, we created a "hotel" that we wanted them to check into upon their arrival. MeeMaw and Papa were good sports playing along with our plan. I'm so thankful for the time spent traveling to see us throughout my childhood! 
5. College: College was a special time for MeeMaw and me. She sent me notes and cards every other week my entire four years at A&M. It was always fun to see her handwriting waiting for me in the mailbox. Each note carried basically the same message that she loved me, was thinking of me, and wanted me to have some fun money. God provided for a lot of my "wants" through this fun money! She and my Papa also had season football tickets with my parents during my sophomore, junior, and senior years at A&M so all of my roommates had the pleasure of really getting to know my family! It was always fun hosting everyone for game day weekends and tailgates. I look back now so grateful for those times of suffering through sweltering heat or cold nights yelling for our Ags to BTHO whoever we were playing, there are lots of memories of surrounding those games and our shared love of A&M. My last memory of MeeMaw from college was the weekly phone calls between she and I. Each semester she and I would arrange a time to chat and catch up week to week. I knew her best during those four years of my life. I think she enjoyed getting to hear about all the things I was doing and learning while at A&M. Again, I'm thankful for the time spent investing and loving me. 

MeeMaw, 

I love you! I'm so glad that you are one of my grandma's! I am going to miss you terribly! I love you! I'm so thankful for everything you are to me! 

Love,

Allie 

Friday Five: Thankfulness

Five things I'm so thankful for today!

• Friendships that go beyond proximity, that are able to start where they last left off. Friendships that are familiar and comfortable, yet still challenging. Friendships that are old, new, and everywhere in between. Life is too hard to not have a community of friends! 
• Parenting a darling toddler little girl. Discovering her quirks, her spunk, her JOY! 
• Family: that I was born into and that I married into...I am very blessed! 
• Anticipation of a busy week to come with lots of new adventures for Annelisa and me! 
• Growth!  I am so thankful for how God has used the last 12 months to move me, mold me, grow me into a woman more dependent on Him for every detail of our lives, yet still needing to be more dependent on Him in each detail of our days. 

End of Summer Friday Five

So, It dawned on me today, that today is the last Friday of summer. Yet, it doesn't feel like it for me. I didn't go back to work this week, I didn't prepare a classroom, I didn't write any lesson plans, or make phone calls to eager students...summer has always (at least the last six years...) concluded with these milestones. Instead, I found myself blogging about my daughters five month milestones, looking forward to our beach vacation in three weeks, and lost in the mire of my own thoughts. 

This summer can easily be summed up by reading five previous post about Annelisa:

1. Month 1
2. Month 2
3. Month 3
4. Month 4
5. Month 5

But for most that follow this little blog, you've already read these updates about Annelisa...and you could, just maybe, be more curious about me and how I really am. So this Friday Five is themed around me and where I am five months and one summer into motherhood.

1. Loneliness

I have felt more loneliness during the last five months than I have in probably my whole life. Being a new stay at home mom has left me feeling very alone most days. My dear, sweet husband has been wonderful, but one person can't really fill the void of interaction I went from having in my career and relationships away from our home. I am thankful for our Life Group and ministry opportunities at our church because they have provided outlets...yet, the day in and day out of mothering an infant at home have left me longing. Longing for a purpose, longing for a routine I like, longing for deep friendship. 

2. Bones

A study was released this week that linked our response to TV (aka fictional) relationships after a major life change as more valuable than real life relationships (see more on that here), I definitely felt this to be very true in my life! My "friends" after Annelisa's birth were in the series Bones. I can say (although not very proudly) that I have watched all the episodes of Bones from either Netflix or Hulu and eagerly await their new season this fall! I'm missing the relationships and banter of Temperance Brennan and Booth and the rest of the cast so much that we have now started watching the failed spin off The Finder, on Hulu, which is actually quite entertaining...so it's a pity that FOX canceled it. Needless to say, that watching episode after episode of Bones this summer, gave me something to be "involved" in outside of myself. I will always associate this show with my first born and nursing! 

3. Routine

Finding a routine has been rough! Annelisa and I have a routine now, but I don't really like it...I find myself constantly thinking about what I would prefer for our routine, then I give up because attempting to change it challenges me to much...it feels too hard. Each week there have been shifts and changes to our routine and I've struggled to manage my household duties within the rhythms Annelisa has dictated. So we persist within the established routine...which is really more of a rhythm. I had hoped at five months in, I would be well established in a routine that worked for both she and I, and I find myself deeply discouraged that this isn't the case.  I think on some level I feel like I have failed...because the rhythm we have keeps me from feeling accomplished. 

4. Accomplishment

I'm addicted to feeling accomplished. I didn't realize this until Annelisa and I emerged from the newborn fog around 6 weeks postpartum. In my teaching, I was able to set out a goal for a day, a week, a month, or a lesson and accomplish them. I was able to make a list of goals for a day, or a week at home and accomplish them...since Annelisa's birth my accomplishments have diminished greatly! Many days a week I will look at my husband and ask what did I do today and he always quickly answers that "I took care of our daughter" which is true...but the mounting lists of things to do at home stares back at me. Reminding me of my failed accomplishments and I hate this more than anything.

5. Value

I find myself falling into a trap of not believing I add value to our family because my pay check goes away in a mere two days. I never really paid that much attention to my pay check when I taught school. I knew that I got paid, but it wasn't my focus. I think subconsciously my pay check meant a lot more to me than I realized...it brought with it "added value" to the family. In two days, that "added value" stops...I realize that by mothering our daughter and being in the home with her I "add value" to our home in a different and important way. I don't want to really entertain the thought of putting her in day care and I am so thankful that my husband provides for our family so well that I am able to stay home...but learning to adjust my "American" mentality away from needing to add "value" through a pay check is difficult. And is truly proving to be a matter of my heart! 

The end of summer 2012 and that's where I find myself...it's a dark place emotionally. I'm honestly struggling...it's funny that I can write about here...but I wouldn't or couldn't easily talk about it in person. I'll end by asking for prayer...I know that God has me here for a purpose far greater than I can see, I am certain, that I am to be in the home to care for our daughter and our things right now, I also now know that this transition is hard emotionally and my heart is in a war. Please pray that God will encourage my heart and help me to find my way amid the struggles. 

End of Summer Friday Five

Today is the last day of my summer! It's been an interesting 12 weeks of life in the Pailes' household. So as I prepare to return to my classroom on Monday morning, this Friday Five is themed around summer, more specifically, the top five events of summer of 2011!

# 5. Galveston--Family Beach Getaway
Sadly, it was a beautiful weekend! No clouds, clear cool Gulf waters, and a gorgeous condo resort! And I ate nearly all the shrimp I could find for the two dinners we ate on the Island. However, my family became very ill with a vicious stomach bug, so my very wise husband made the decision that we should leave early in order to make it home before it hit us, or even better to avoid the bug altogether. We never got sick, in case you're curious, but this trip to the beach totaled a BUST! There's always next year!! Which we've always started talking about!! :)

#4. Fourth of July Weekend
My family came and stayed with us for the 4th of July. A couple of things you should know about my family....the 4th of July is my dad's favorite holiday, thus growing up we have possibly more traditions for the 4th than any other holiday. We make homemade ice cream outside in the big ice cream maker with the rock salt and all. We go to a parade (above picture of my sisters and I at the McKinney Parade this year!). We also eat hamburgers, potato salad, and lots of watermelon. It was so fun to have a full house for the first time and celebrate the fourth with all the usual Canon family traditions. One side note to the fun weekend....Christopher was still recovering from sinus surgery....so his involvement steadily increased throughout the weekend. We look forward to many more "full house" family weekends!

#3. Girls Trip!! 

These lovely ladies and I go back seven years to my junior year at A&M when we met in a Growth Group Bible study at Grace Bible Church. God has immensely blessed our friendship! It was fun to reconnect in Austin for a fun get away of shopping, eating, room service, and of course chatting! We are all married now, and live in three separate cities...so our lives are beginning to take different paths, yet we could still chat, laugh, and connect. These ladies are special uncommon friends for me! 

#2. Our First House!! 

We closed on our house May 9, and moved in the first weekend of summer, June 4!! With lots of help from my parents!! We have settled in completely and feel immensely blessed to live here! When we started the process to look for a new home, I had a mental wish list that I didn't believe would be found in one house in our price range! Well, God blessed us with a house that checks every box on that mental wish list!! Our prayer has been all along to bless others with the home that God blessed us with! This summer we've been able to use our home to bless others with fellowship through family get-to-gethers for both sides of our family, a baby shower for dear friends, and a lunch with my bible study ladies to conclude the summer. I'm excited to live here and see what God has in store for us within these walls! I have a feeling it will never be dull! :) 

#1. Fifth Anniversary Surprise! 

We celebrated five wonderful years as husband and wife on July 15. My darling husband planned a wonderful surprise for our celebration! He planned it all and kept the details a secret!! All he told me is what to pack! The weekend included reservations at the Worthington in downtown Fort Worth , reservations at Del Frisco's for our anniversary dinner, and in-room couples massage on Saturday morning!! We also enjoyed Sundance Square and all the restaurants and entertainment available there! It was a weekend that will never be forgotten!! 

What are your top five events of the summer? Is there something that stands out about one of them to make it better than the rest? Until June 1, 2012, Summer is concluding!! Stand by for funny fifth grade outtakes!! I hope and pray that this is my best year yet! :) 

First Friday Five

Hopefully, all the changes I've made (over and over again) haven't been too distracting. Apparently looking at free blog templates has consumed many hours of my life during the previous 24....I think I'm happy now....we'll have to wait and see. I was hoping for a beachy scene to go with "Buckets of Insight." Not only am I now a Pailes (lovingly called a Bucket from time to time), but buckets are almost always used at the beach when building sandcastles....which is one of my favorite things to do while at one of my favorite places on earth. 

Now to the Friday Five! 

I must admit that this is not the most original idea out there, since I've seen it from time to time on a blog I have followed for over a year....Treasures from the Cardboard Box. Plus some radio stations across our great country have a daily five at five for the drive home. (This concept has always confused me....since most people I know don't consistently leave their job at 5 PM....but this is a different topic!)

So for my first Friday Five I'm going to focus on five things I've learned from David (as in the author of many Psalms, and the man who is described in great detail in 1 and 2 Samuel).

This summer I've been blessed with an "uncommon" group of ladies to study and learn about David, through the Beth Moore study entitled David: Seeking a Heart Like His.  I must say that having grown up in the church, attending Sunday School, and summer camps I felt like I already knew a lot about David. However, the beauty of following Christ and studying the scriptures is that no matter how much I think I know, God makes the scripture come alive in new ways to suit whatever stage of life I'm in.

5. Jealousy hurts! (From Weeks 1 and 2)
Saul was the first King of Israel, and became quickly jealous of David, whom God had anointed to be the next King. (For more of the story see 1 Samuel 18.)
My lesson learned....jealousy hurts relationships whether or not the words are spoken or kept inside our own minds. Jealousy hurts when you feel it may be directed at you. Jealousy is a real emotion, that I'm guilty of at times...more often than I'd like to admit. Saul's example in 1 Samuel 18...teaches an important lesson because he continued to harbor jealousy towards David that eventually lead to his death at the beginning of 2 Samuel. Not that our own jealousies will lead to our death physically, but how many relationships in our lives do we kill slowly with jealousy?

4. Common Bonds, Uncommon Friends (Week 2, Day 4)
David became once-in-a-lifetime friends with King Saul's son Jonathan. Despite David's life on the run to avoid Saul's jealousy, Jonathan and David enjoyed a relationship that rivals most (if not all) of my friend relationships. Beth Moore made three big points during this lesson that helped me reflect on the relationships in my life.
#1: Uncommon friends can speak their minds without fear. 
In how many relationships can you honestly speak your mind without fear? I know that this fear can come in various packages....will they make fun of my comment, what will they think when I speak up, will my thoughts be respected no matter if they agree, and on and on the list of fears can go....
#2 Uncommon friends can speak their minds without shame. 
How vulnerable are you in your relationships? I mentioned in my first post that I don't like to reflect, well I, also, am not a fan of putting all of me out there to be vulnerable with others. This is hard! I think because it so closely connects to Beth Moore's first point....fear! I'm afraid to be vulnerable due to fear of how I'll be received and whether or not I'll be met likewise by those I'm with.
#3 Uncommon friends stay close even at a distance. 
David and Jonathan weren't often together to hang out and be friends in person. David spent much of his youth running from Saul, Jonathan's father, and living in caves. Yet, whenever David and Jonathan were together they could pick up where they left off.
I've realized that this type of relationship is very difficult to come by... because as we live the lives God has for us, our friends are living theirs... and sometimes our lives start to take different paths. We can still connect, but our interests could change, changing our bonds.

3. Why I've continued to feel lonely....
This lesson came from the fifth DVD video session. I know that each of us in our group were greatly impacted by this lesson for a variety of reasons, which is why studying scripture in a small group is so amazing....it can touch each of us in a different way!

This lesson began with a target that Beth Moore used to illustrate Christ's model of relationships for which we, as Christians, should follow. So visualize a target, one like at Target (the store), it will need to have more rings....but I think you get the idea.
The outermost ring: The World--Christ knew and loved the whole world. John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whosoever believes in him will have everlasting life. The purpose of having a world view is to witness to the world by being aware that others are out there in the world in need of a savior! Christ was globally focused...he came to seek and save the lost! All of the Lost! 
The next ring in: The 72--represented today as the local church body. Within the body of Christ we are to serve. (Luke 10:1-2) This is something I'm missing in my heart.  At the beginning of the summer we moved into our new home! YEA! But with that came the realization we both knew in our hearts that we wanted to serve, worship, and build community with fellow believers in our new community. So this leaves me missing Northwest Bible Church....very much....I'm missing everything from the people (a lot) to the pastor's heart to the worship on Sundays.
The next ring in: The 12--Discipleship (small group of believers to study and grow with in the Word of God). I've been blessed with a couple of groups of women that have provided discipleship in my life....and with the coming of a new school year the time to meet and study and pray together gets shorter and more difficult to arrange. Not impossible...simply more difficult....again finding and building relationships with women in a local church in our community could fill this coming hole in my target.
The next ring in: The 3--Transparency...these are the people closest to you, the ones that really, really know you, they know your good stuff and your really bad stuff. They probably know things about you that most people wouldn't know unless they lived in our house for a couple of weeks, dare I say months. Christ had a group of three out of his twelve that went with him further into the Garden of Gethsemane the night of his crucifixion to pray...they were his closest friends on earth that he wanted to be prayer warriors by his side as he prepared for the ultimate sacrifice....to save you and me!
The inner most ring: The 1, intimacy with God....for some stages of our lives God needs to take us deeper still beyond our relationships on earth to a place where He alone can suffice! This can be a difficult road for us to travel with Him, it requires trust of His plan at work in our lives knowing as scripture tells us in Romans that He works all things together for our good....even the painful things, that we may never know the good behind are for our good! Praise be to God the maker of all things!

Why do I feel lonely....well I think it's due to having some "holes" in my target! I haven't reached a place in many years where I haven't felt lonely....it's a strange thing since I'm often with people (and ones I care about a lot) yet, I feel lonely. This lesson spoke volumes to me as to possible causes of my lonesomeness and a way to begin to seek Christ to fill this very real feeling in me. {This does connect to David...however that was not my biggest lesson learned from this session.}

2. God has promised good things to me. I know that God has brought me "so far" because I've become convinced that God ONLY wants to do good. (My paraphrase from teaching point 3, of the session's notes.)
This lesson is from DVD session 6...Beth Moore paired these scriptures with each phrase to drive home the point that God is interested in doing good in believers lives. The theology of each truth could be difficult for some to believe...that is why one must have faith in a very big God who only wants to do good in our lives!

• Romans 12:2: God's will for us is good.
• Phil. 2:13: God's purpose for us is good.
• Phil. 1:6: God's work in us is good.
• 2 Thess. 2:16: The hope God has given us is good. 
• Eph. 2:10: The works God created for us are good. 
• 1 Tim. 1:18-19: The fight God calls us to fight is good.
• James 3:17: The fruit God produces in us is good.
• James 1:16: The gifts God gives us are good.
• Hebrews 13:21: God equips us with everything good.
• Romans 8:28: God works all things together in our lives for good.

1. I am righteous! (Psalms 32: 6,11 and Romans 4:1-8) 

This is from DVD session 8....

I have a hard time believing with faith (as mentioned in #2) that God has really made me righteous....I think this is due to all the work I do in my own strength and self to try to make myself  "righteous" by being good....when in reality I'm righteous because of my belief in Christ and His ability to make me a new creation, NOT my behavior or attempts to be "good enough!" 

This is a lesson that God has been teaching me for many years....and each time it hits me square between the eyes. I can't do enough to earn God's favor! I can't say enough nice things, or do enough good things for others to guarantee eternity with my Savior.

Instead I must believe that Christ was sent to save me and all my faults from eternity separated from HIM! Praise God for his Saving Grace! 

If any of my reflections have left you with questions about what I believe...please comment a question or talk to me in person. I would love to share my heart in person behind these lessons from David.