Things are a changin'...

This week marks the end of six years as a 5th grade teacher. I am currently undergoing a major change professionally...transitioning from teacher to full time mom.

Nine weeks ago I left school, my home away from home, in a mad rush to make it to the doctor not knowing that I wasn't going back on Friday...not knowing that I wasn't going to have the moment of closure with my students, not fully understanding the scope of the change that was happening in  my life.

Birth...changes things!

Three months ago, I had short timers syndrome. I saw the light at the end of my year, felt the relief of knowing that I only had to teach x number of days. I looked forward to this transition with eager anticipation. Then the suddenness of Annelisa's birth happened without closure at school. (This seems odd now, since most birth experiences are sudden...one knows a general season or month but the day, hour, and method is often unknown until "it's time!") I can hope that I kept my short timers disease to myself...but I think some close friends were aware of my mental state back in March!

Something funny happened in me as I became a mother and started to care for our little girl, I started to miss my job. I missed the routine of it, the reputation I had at it, the assurance of knowing what to do each day. I didn't anticipate this...I was burned out, ready to not be a teacher/mother to my 60 5th graders, ready to have the simplicity of being home with my one darling daughter. Resignation hit me like a ton of bricks, completing the paperwork, the exit interview.... the whole process was hard for me. I did it, I got it in the mail, I set up my appointment to turn in my school laptop, I've done the steps, but emotionally I'm not there yet. June 1 is a less than a week away and I will pack my classroom, sign off on my checklist, and say good bye. I would be kidding if I told you that I was still excited about this...kidding if I told you that I didn't need to see my kids again...because I'm not and I do!

For those that know me well, you know that I don't process my emotions easily or well. I tend to bottle them up and keep them inside. This week I'm choosing to try to live in the moment and process my emotions and I'm afraid that this will get messy...tears will be apart of this process. I've realized that I need to grieve leaving my job and it's okay (dare I say necessary) for me to do so.

In case you're wondering, I have no regrets about resigning or becoming a stay at home mom...it's just a big shift for me and I'm trusting that God will use my availability in great ways if I'll show up each day and let Him!

So how will I process this last week of my six year career...

Tuesday--I'll attend 6th grade Honor's Night...and watch my students from last year make the transition to Junior High...I need to see them do this...I've gone each year that I've taught the students involved and it's a great closure activity for the year.

Wednesday--My principal is retiring this year, as well, and her retirement party is this afternoon followed by our faculty End of Year Celebration...I need to go to celebrate with my friends and coworkers a year and career well done.

Thursday--The last day of school...each year my principal has had a Flag Raising Ceremony on the first day of school and a Flag Lowering Ceremony on the last day of school. I need to see the Flag come down and stand with my class. This will bring major closure to the year... It will be a miracle if I don't cry through the whole thing, I'm preparing myself, so that I can let my emotions go and cry if I need to...the whole event will be hard for me.

Friday--Teacher work day...packing day...I'm so thankful that my parents and husband are taking vacation time to help me accomplish this task. My mom will watch Annelisa at home and dad and Christopher will come with me to work. There is no way I could pack my room and finish my end of year check lists without their help.

Here's to things changin'! Embracing change isn't easy, isn't comfortable. I'm choosing to live in the moment this week. Whatever emotions come!

Annelisa is 2 Months!

Annelisa is 2 months old! The time has flown by at times and crept at others. These first two months have been filled with tons of learning and growing for our little lady.

At her two month well baby exam Annelisa weighed 11 pounds, 10 ounces placing her in the 75th percentile. She measured 23.75 inches long placing her in the 90th percentile. Her head measured 15.25 inches in circumference placing her the 50th percentile. Plus she received her first round of vaccines! She was quite uncomfortable that afternoon, but Infant Tylenol works miracles!

I was so excited to find out her weight! I had attempted to estimate her weight based on our bathroom scale with me holding her, but finding out the exact number (as of Friday, May 25) was thrilling. After her weight gain issues at birth and hospitalization at Children's (see that post here), I was ecstatic with her weight as was Dr. Starnes, her pediatrician. She moved from the 25th percentile (for weight) at her 2 week appointment to the 75th at two months! She and I have worked very hard at feeding and it shows! God has done such an amazing thing to have a mother nurse her child and have her body take care of baby's without the mother thinking about it.

Some of the other milestones this month include:

• Sleeping in her crib full time
• Sleeping 6 to 7 hours straight most nights
• Taking naps mostly in her swing, bouncy seat, and car seat 
• Wearing all 3 month outfits and onesies
• Wearing size 1 diapers...but not for much longer! 
• Discovering lights and faces
• Able to hold her head up for a few seconds by herself
• Getting stronger at tummy time, she lasts from 10 to 15 minutes before she starts to protest 
• Starting to really smile (Especially at me! :)) 
• Starting to coo and make other happy noises
• Enjoying bath time a lot! 
• Going to Grammy and GP's (my parents in Houston) for her first overnight trip
• Going to Mimi and Pops' (my in-laws in Plano)
• Going to Northwood Hills to meet my students, my fellow teachers, and staff
• Going to church for the first time
• Going to a sit down, get waited on restaurant for the first time

A note on her outfit for 2 months...this was also her going home from the hospital outfit at birth....it didn't fit her very well back in March. I had picked it out with the anticipation of having a 10 pound baby which we would have had had she not been nearly three weeks early. So for comparison of how much she's grown here is one of the pictures from March 25 when we came home for the first time. 

Yes, it is the same top...hasn't she grown a lot! :) 

During this month, we also celebrated my first Mother's Day! We were in Houston for Auntie Erin's graduation. Annelisa hit her next growth spurt, so she and I had a lot of bounding (aka feeding) time during the night and day. 

Too say the least it was a busy month! 

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Outtakes from her 2 month photo shoot

"Why mom? I don't want to take pictures!"

"Fine if you're going to take pictures then I'm eating the teddy bear!" 

"Why??? I just want to be held!"

"Okay, I'll be my usual curious self!" 

"And eat my teddy bear!!" 

"I'm sitting aren't I?" 

Isn't she a cutie! :) 

Annelisa is 1 Month!

Annelisa's first month was filled with lots of first! Her first walk in her stroller, first time in her nursery, first time in her crib, first time in her bath tub, first time being sick. 

At the end of  her first month, Annelisa: 

• discovered her face in a mirror
• started to smile 
• has stolen many hearts
• visited Dr. Starnes, her pediatrician, three times
• likes tummy time
• likes to eat! 
• likes to be held
• enjoys taking a nap with mom
• makes her mom and dad very proud! 

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Now for the outtakes from her photo shoot! 

Annelisa's First Month: Part 4

The Blessing of My Best Friend: April 10-12, 2012

My best friend blessed us immensely during Annelisa's third week. Laura came to spend three days with me and in the process encouraged me, stocked my freezer, and helped me get out with Annelisa for the first time. 

I needed good girl time! It was a gift from God to talk and do life together again. At the end of our time together, we both wished that we lived closer so we could be mommies together more often. Until then, we have phone dates, face time, and trips to visit each other!  I look forward to the future and the opportunity to bless her when she needs me!  

Laura, Caleb (6 months), Me, Annelisa (3 Weeks)

Annelisa and Caleb 

Annelisa's First Month: Part 3

Children's Hospital Plano, TX: April 2-5, 2012

I never expected to spend another stint in the hospital with our precious baby girl. However, if we had to spend almost a week in a hospital for Annelisa, this is the hospital that I would want to be admitted to. 

The series of events that ended with us at Children's began on Thursday, March 29. We had my follow-up appointment with the lactation consultant at Centennial. This appointment was to check our progress in breast feeding by completing a weigh-feed-weigh, to check how much Annelisa was really getting from me. When Annelisa was weighed it showed that she had lost more weight since leaving the hospital. She did successfully eat 2 ounces of breast milk during the feeding, but since she was still showing some jaundice and had lost more weight our pediatrician needed to be called. The lactation consultant called the doctor for us and relayed all the details of our appointment. Our pediatrician wanted to see us the following Monday, April 2 for an additional weight check. 

Monday, April 2, we went to the pediatrician for the weight check, Annelisa had lost more weight, she was down to 6 pounds, 12 ounces...she weighed 8 pounds at birth. In addition to the weight loss, her temperature was low, ranging from 95.5 degrees to 97.3 degrees during the appointment. (A low temperature can potentially be more dangerous than a high fever in young infants, because they could be too ill to mount a fever in response to a virus.) Plus the previous weekend, she had seemed extra lethargic. She wasn't waking to feed and just seemed too sleepy. Our pediatrician wanted me to supplement with formula until her two week check, but advised me to call if anything seemed off or if she developed fever.  I was devastated from this appointment. I didn't want to supplement with formula again, I wanted to successfully feed my little girl. We went home with my mom to try to feed her 30 mL of formula in addition to breast milk during the subsequent feedings that afternoon. At the next two feedings, Annelisa hardly woke up, she wasn't feeding well. My mom and I worked very hard to keep her awake and try to keep her eating. After the first unsuccessful feeding, I called to talk to the doctor, she encouraged me to try again in three hours. So I tried again, knowing in my gut that something was wrong, very wrong. Annelisa was only 11 days old, I felt like I hardly knew what I was doing, yet, I knew something was wrong. I called the pediatrician again, knowing that we were likely going to the hospital. Our pedi, guided me through what to expect at the hospital ER and how to pack our things to be prepared. Then we left for Children's. 

While at Children's my husband was amazing! (I think he's pretty incredible all the time, but he really was everything and more for Annelisa and me.) I was very emotional during our first days there. As a new mom, watching my little baby go through so much and not being able to take it away from her or make her feel better, was a very scary thing. The details of everything are clearer now, but during these days Christopher did a much better job of relaying the how and why of what happened. 

Below is his summary of what occurred while we were at Children's. 

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Because newborns have an almost non-existent immune system for the first month of life, it is standard practice for a spinal tap to be performed, IV antibiotics to be administered for at least 48 hours, and close monitoring for 48 hours.  Hence the reason she was admitted so promptly.

Unfortunately, they had difficulty performing a spinal tap on her.  Three different doctors attempted a spinal tap on her, and only the last doctor was mildly successful enough to get a little bit of spinal fluid that a culture could be run on (to test for meningitis, etc.).  I was told the reason for the difficulty was that Annelisa had a “common anatomical anomaly” in which her sack of spinal fluid doesn’t extend as far down her spinal column as it does for most children.  There’s nothing wrong with this condition other than the fact that it makes it extremely difficult to tap for spinal fluid.  The doctor that was ultimately successful in getting fluid said that they encounter a baby like this once every year and a half.  Therefore, apparently Annelisa’s special. :) 

Ultimately all of her tests (urine, stool, blood, spinal fluid, etc.) came back negative for any infections.  X-Rays also indicated nothing out of the ordinary.  Plus, her heart rate, respiration, and oxygen levels were thoroughly monitored nothing seems to be wrong there.  However, when her final spinal tap was being performed, she had explosive diarrhea that the doctor indicated was unusual and most likely indicative of some sort of virus.

Of course, the negative test results beg the question, what went wrong and why was the exact cause not determined?  The doctor that monitored her and discharged her wasn't entirely sure why she had the symptoms she had.  He presented two theories:

1)      She had a “transient” virus that had already started to work its way through her system by the time we took her to the hospital, and therefore, was not picked up by the lab tests and stool cultures.  There is a good chance this is the case given the diarrhea she had during her spinal tap.

2)      She merely was having trouble feeding and got off track which led to dehydration.  All of the nurses and doctors have encouraged us that any feeding issues were not our fault because feeding at this age is a two way street.  Allison was doing what she was supposed to be doing but for whatever reason, Annelisa appears to have struggled a little bit figuring out how all of this works.

Regardless, during her hospital stay she improved dramatically.  In particular, she put on 12 ounces almost overnight and left the hospital weighing over 7.5 pounds.  Plus, her coloring and demeanor improved dramatically and she started feeding a lot better.

Since getting home, Annelisa has performed like a champ.  She is eating well regularly, and her urine and fecal output is gloriousJ  She seems like a normal baby now. 

In spite of the challenges and uncertainty associated with the hospital stay, I believe a couple of blessings have resulted from it:

1)      Given that Allison had polyhydramnios during pregnancy which can sometimes be associated with a defect in the child, we were still a little worried that something wrong would pop up with Annelisa.  However, given all of the tests and monitoring that were performed on her during her hospital stay, we feel pretty confident now that any major problems have been ruled out so we don’t  have to anxiously await for something bad to be discovered.

2)      Trying to care for a newborn covered in wires while staying in a single hospital room without your usual stuff (such as a bed, swing, etc.) is quite difficult.  Suddenly, the prospect of caring for a baby at home doesn’t seem so daunting in comparison.

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All in all, we were so thankful to have tons of love, support, and prayers from friends, family, and acquaintances while at Children's. God was so good to guide the doctors and nurses to help our little Annelisa get well. I told the nurse that discharged us on the 5th, that they were all wonderful and that I hoped to never see them in that same way again. 

Precious Annelisa all hooked up to her IV. So thankful that she is well! 

Going home from Children's! Check out my shades! :) 

Annelisa's First Month: Part 2

Newborn Photography Session

Still Life Photography 

My best friend, and resident photographer, Laura Wilkerson recommended a friend and fellow photographer, Laura Stiller, for our newborn session. We couldn't be happier with our choice! We will have three more sessions with Laura during Annelisa's first year. I'm so glad we chose to capture these moments in time and they haven't even happened yet! I'm sure the 6 month, 9 month, and 1 year sessions will be quite different from the sleepy baby, newborn session we enjoyed on March 30, 2012! 

Some of my favorites, I couldn't post them all! I love the pictures of my husband loving on our little girl! :) 

Annelisa's First Month: Part 1

Week 1: March 22-28, 2012

Our first week with Annelisa was filled with family! Our little family! Christopher took the week off of work and we spent the week with just us, learning about life with our new little lady. Here is our first week in pictures! 

First night home! (Sunday, March 25, 2012)

Monday, March 26, 2012

Tuesday, March 27, 2012: Annelisa hanging out in her Bouncy Seat

Tuesday, March 27, 2012: More Bouncy Seat

First Walk in the Neighborhood, Wednesday,  March 28, 2012

I will be posting some of my favorite newborn photo shoot pictures in my next post.

We were very blessed with a quiet first week home with just us! We learned a lot about each other and Annelisa. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!